It’s important to understand that long term relationships will go through many phases in their lifetime. It makes sense that as we change and grow as individuals, our relationships change as well. And, just as we put work into our personal growth, we need to put work into our relationship as well. Many couples do not realize this – they seem to think that relationships should just endure over time without any energy being put into them at all. That is just wrong!

During the first year as a couple we are often filled with excitement and passion as we get to know our partner… this is a magnificent time! Scientists using brain scans have actually proven that there is a chemical reaction that takes place in our brains and our bodies as we fall in love. This state of bliss, wonderful as it is, will change over time, and it is important that we acknowledge this as part of a relationship’s natural progression and transition.

As time marches on, relationships are often faced with what I call ‘the business of love’. Be it cohabitating, planning a wedding, job searches, family planning, in-laws, or extended familial issues or duties– life does begin to interfere with our relationship. When this starts to happen many couples get off track and lose focus.

In couples counseling we deal with these issues head on.

Together we create a plan to get your relationship back on track:

  • Communicate your concerns: My office becomes a safe haven for each party to discuss their feelings about the state of their relationship. I will be sure that each person speaks and is heard – the definition of healthy communication.
  • Identify the problem and create a recovery plan: Once we identify the problem in couples counseling we work as a team to create a plan to get the relationship back on track as soon as possible.
  • Reinvigorate your sex life. First we must establish what each of your definition is of a ‘healthy sex life’. Many partners have different characterizations regarding this, so it’s really important to find out what you each are feeling, and to evaluate where this meaning comes from. Once we find out what is missing, through couples counseling we will create new ways to put some fun, energy and excitement back into the bedroom, and into your relationship.


Early Signs:

Relationships rarely die overnight. Almost always, the destruction of a couple happens little by little, over time.
Your relationship may be in trouble if you are experiencing:

  • Communication breakdown
  • Diminished sexual desire and activity level
  • Replaying old arguments and resurrecting old hurts
  • Resentment and contempt have replaced patience and love
  • One or both of you are having an affair


We saw Rachel when we were engaged and having major in-law problems that were interfering with the planning of our wedding. We were bickering a lot and couldn’t seem to resolve these problems on our own, and that’s why we decided to go for counseling. Rachel helped us to discuss these problems without being defensive, and taught us that we had a right to set limits with our families. We found the process very helpful, and we continue to call on her when our relationship needs a tune up.

Diane (28) & James (29)

Rachel in the media